i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
