i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
