Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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