The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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