Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
