Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
