All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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