You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
