What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
