I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize