I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize