did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
