He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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