Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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