just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk is not a location!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
