I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize