I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
