Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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