The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
