White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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