Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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