I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
