You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
