I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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