so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i think im in europe. pls send help
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize