Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's blow job season.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
