I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
