i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Panties = found
Randomize