Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
