I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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