he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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