before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
