can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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