forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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