No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
