he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
