her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone came in the potted fern
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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