so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
