He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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