Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
