And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
