im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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