I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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