i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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