I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
