i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
