im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
