She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
