first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize