you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
