He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
