I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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