Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
