i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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