Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
