just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
