I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
