i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize