You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
