DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
