I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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