You work out of a Hotel?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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