So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
