I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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