Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
