He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
