I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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