so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
