Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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