tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
