i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
