lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize