His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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