Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
