Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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