i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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