he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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