i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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