Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
