Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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