I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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