Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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