My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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