So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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