Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
