Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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