Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
