i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
