Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
