He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
