shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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